2007-01-22 - 9:28 p.m.

the 2007 version (additions welcome!)

you will need:
- lots of cheap beer (we recommned one six-pack per person)
- at least one friend who won't make fun of you when you're drunk enough to slur your words
- a television that can withstand various small items tossed at it

the state of the union address will last at least 40 minutes, and could go as long as an hour. it airs at 9pm EST. same rules apply for the democratic response immediately after, given this year by bush-hating jim webb of virginia. hard alcohol is not recommended, unless you have a genuine death wish.

one drink for every mention of:

- energy independence
- secure borders
- guest workers
- path to citizenship
- package
- higher/lower taxes
- middle class
- working families
- executive branch/legislative branch
- activist judges
- bipartisan
- gaps in insurance
- gold-plated/gold standard
- political solutions
- alternative fuel
- stem cells
- incentives
- stimulate (growth/the economy/etc.)
- homeland

two drinks for every mention of:

- "the democrat party"
- terrorists
- the war on terror
- struggle for freedom
- diamonds
- iraq/iran
- dictators
- speaker of the house/nancy pelosi
- gathering threat/danger
- al-qaeda operatives
- shiites/sunnis/wahabists/kurds
- de-baathification
-this great land of ours
- his family (three drinks if he mentions wife or mother)

finish your current drink if:

- the president commits any malapropism or mispronunciation or stammers
- the president clenches his jaw or does anything noticeably weird with his mouth
- the broadcast cuts into or away from bush before he is ready for the cut
- the broadcast cuts away to someone in the audience who obviously does not agree with the president, is pointedly not clapping, or registering a protest in any way
- any actual crazy protestors disrupt the speech
- the president mentions "surge"
- the president tells a soft anecdote about a "real person"
- closeup of laura bush or dick cheney
- use of a fake verbform of a noun, i.e. "incentivize", "militarize"

you can force one other person to drink if:

- you can finish any of the president's sentences for him