2004-01-06 - 5:38 p.m.

how to find out who really wants to be your friend

1. have a terrible breakup.
   
2. kick offending ex-partner out of spacious shared domicile.
   
3. find a new place to live (works best if the new place is equally or even more fabulous than the first place).
   
4. attempt to pack worldly possessions.
   
5. fail miserably.
   
6. fall almost imperceptibly to pieces.
   
7. go home for the holidays.
   
8. return to shared domicile, become even more depressed by looking at unpacked apartment and nervous cats.
   
9. spend a night or two at your brother's house.
   
10. move a few necessities to your new home, spend the night there.
    
11. realise you need help.
    
12. ask everyone you know for help.
    
13. everyone that responds to this request really wants to be your friend.
    
14. offer undying fealty and extravagant appreciation of everyone who offers to assist and/or comfort you.