a theory of astrology based on 'the muppet movie'

ARIES Animal is the quintessential Aries, pure raging ego, repeating his own name almost like a mantra. he is a pure creative force of nature, and the drummer for the band 'electric mayhem'. Animal saves the hero Kermit (who has resigned his fate) from certain death by taking insta-grow pills and becoming (temporarily) several stories tall. Harry the Bomber is also an Aries.
TAURUS His song about resignation to the inevitabilites of life and avoiding emotional extremes ("I Hope That Something Better Comes Along") seems to indicate that Ralph the Dog is a Taurus. He begins the song by describing his daily routine. Ralph expresses a certain existential awareness of the futility of existance, and copes with this feeling with a dependable routine. His job in the final scene is as cinematographer.
GEMINI Statler and Waldorf are the natural Geminis of the Muppets. Inseparable and almost indistinguishable, they are the satirical Greek chorus of the Muppet Show, and they generally get the funniest lines. They are somewhat removed from the rest of the cast, maintaining a cynical distance which enables them to make fun of the most earnest parts of the show and movie.
CANCER his appearance in the film is brief, but Sam the Eagle is an excellent example of Cancer. He asks Kermit if the film will have any socially redeeming value. He is the part of Cancer which is conservative in the purest sense of that word: conserving and preserving, protective of the status quo and concerned with morality.
LEO a natural beauty and a hog of the spotlight, Miss Piggy is such a Leo. She is charming, ambitious, loves attention, and is ferocious if crossed. She offers a karate chop to anyone who makes fun of her. She creates a cinematic romantic fantasy for herself when she meets Kermit. She uses her martial arts skills to rescue Kermit and herself from peril, and then casually leaves Kermit behind when her agent offers her other work. Miss Piggy's song 'Never Before, Never Again' is a perfect model of the singularity of romantic love.
VIRGO when Kermit is approached by a Hollywood agent in his swamp, he is not lured by fame for its own sake, but by the idea that he could make 'millions of people happy'. Kermit lives to serve. he only uses his singing and dancing talents to help other people, rescuing Fozzie from an angry crowd at one point. Kermit is practical and level-headed, and he keeps the increasingly motley group of friends focused and together. Morally firm, he refuses the immediate offer of Doc Hopper ('$500 every year!) for the far-off goal of Hollywood.
LIBRA Doctor Bunsen Honeydew is found by the Muppets living in a ghost town with his faithful assistant Beaker creating esoteric and seemingly useless inventions, such as a musical rain barrell and a four-foot prune. he creates and discovers things not for an institution or to solve a particular problem, but simply for his own entertainment. he inadvertantly provides Animal (Aries and Libra being on the same axis) with the insta-grow pills which save the day.
SCORPIO when he joins the travelling group, Gonzo is in an accident with Fozzie's studebaker which renders his truck useless. he is working as a plumber, the quintessential Scorpio job. He has a romantic relationship with a chicken, and he is the only muppet that ogles other entities (mostly chickens). Noone is sure what Gonzo is, despite abundant speculation. He tells the group initially he plans to travel to Bombay to break into the movies, and when it's pointed out that Hollywood is closer he replies 'sure, if you want to do it the easy way!' Gonzo is taken for a terrifying balloon ride, but later wishes he could do it again.
SAGITTARIUS Fozzie Bear, in the model of a tired Borscht Belt vaudeville comedian, is the ideal Sagittarius. as a Sag myself, i think it's especially telling that Fozzie is actually not very funny. Sagittarians are the natural clowns of the zodiac and Fozzie will stop at nothing for a laugh. he's extremely loyal to kermit and is easily convinced to form a song-and-dance act (after first protesting that he only works alone). He's impulsive and shameless, offering to take Kermit's place in a Doc Hopper commercial by asking 'would you accept a bear in a frog suit?' Fozzie, despite being clumsy and directionally challenged, is the driver for most of the movie and has the only real road song, 'Movin Right Along', which also becomes what Kermit says whenever a scene is finished and the group needs to get going. Fozzie's studebaker is painted by the band a brilliant psychedelic rainbow, which becomes a perfect disguise. Fozzie is the one who, in the last song, explains that 'rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide' (rainbows are associated with rootless, hopeful Sagittarius).
CAPRICORN Scooter, the practical road manager of 'electric mayhem', is obviously a Capricorn. Upon introduction, he describes his plan to turn the empty church where the band is practicing into a coffee house. Jack, the persistent human-sized monster/muppet who pursues the group throughout the film, is also a Capricorn. When they encounter him at a used-car dealership, they assume his name is Jack, but he says 'Jack, not name, Jack: job!' and he proceeds to cart away a busted Volkswagen.
AQUARIUS Flamboyant band leader Dr. Teeth embodies the star qualities of Aquarius. Wearing bright colors, covered in feathers, he plays the keyboards for his band 'electric mayhem' (electricity and other unseen forces are associated with Aquarius) with a combination of hot rock and cool jazz that practically spells Aquarius. His laidback energy, a regal and relaxed stardom, stands in sharp contrast to Miss Piggy's aggressive ambitions (Leo and Aquarius are on the opposing ends of an axis). Dr. Teeth's song in the film is 'Can You Picture That', with lines like 'even Santa Claus believes in you', and which exhorts the listener 'you gotta see it in your mind'. Janice, on lead guitar for 'electric mayhem', is also an Aquarius. (Aquarius is also associated with music, another unseen force).
PISCES like any great protagonist, Kermit is multi-faceted, and while representing many of the best qualities of Virgo, he also expresses the pie-in-the-sky faith that is typical of Pisces (Virgo and Pisces are at opposing ends of an axis). his speculation, which frames the film, is about the fundamental qualities of objects of faith, in the form of 'why are there so many songs about rainbows?' Kermit repeatedly refers to himself as a dreamer and justifies his actions repeatedly by saying 'i have a dream'. Kermit's signature song, 'the rainbow connection' includes himself in a group described as 'the lovers, the dreamers and me', which could not be a more perfect description of the typical pisces group.