2005-01-13 - 10:59 a.m.

on tuesday i ran into my nemesis.

t has never done anything to me personally, but i regard her with a tender mixture of envy and dislike. i met her because of an artists' group that f was involved in. she showed her video piece at slide night and i really really didn't like it. the group was predominantly men, and they fawned over her like she was the princess of wales. shortly after moving to my neighborhood, she started dating a guy i'd had a crush on since i moved here. he'd been the first person in new york who was genuinely nice to me, i still think he's a stellar human being. of course, they are still together. i see them walking around the 'hood with their arms around each other.

a few weeks ago, i was in the local artsy bookshop with my friend h. she was poking through the art books and i noticed t's name on the cover of a book of paintings. apparently she's now a part of a hot brooklyn gallery that's published a book of her 'digital paintings'. these are digital images of her or her boyfriend in kind of quasi-surrealist settings. i really didn't like them. i didn't even like the titles of the paintings. i trembled with envy.

on tuesday, i dragged my big white ass to yoga. as i was taking my shoes off and getting ready to go into the studio, t was also getting ready for class. i said a shy 'hello', since it was obvious we recognised each other.

'o,' she exclaimed, 'isn't your name [diminutive of my given name which i hate so much i don't even let my mother address me that way]?'

i just kind of grimaced and slunk into class. it was a new instructor and the class proved a bit too hard for me. i felt huge and klutzy.

later, after band practive, i met j at the local. regular readers will know i treat the bar around the corner from my loft like most people treat their backyards. i know the owner and all the bartenders, most of my neighbors drink there, and i've even shared my stereo equipment with the bar. i've made out with boys so often in the back booth i almost think of it as mine.

i ran into t's sweet boyfriend as i walked in, he was walking out. but of course t and several of her jersey girlfriends were dominating the back booth. someone spilled a can of PBR all over their table and they decided it was their turn to drunkenly stumble away. i wish i'd had the cojones to join t at the booth, but instead i huddled in the corner by the bathrooms and told j and l about my rival.