2004-12-08 - 9:57 a.m.

i've been in such an interior mood since my birthday i haven't really felt much like posting. i know you understand.

right in the middle of my vinyl frenzy, the cheap second-hand stereo receiver my ex bought at the salvation army finally gave up the ghost. he'd purchased it to replace the shiny onkyo he blew in one of his adventures in DJing, and i'm frankly impressed it lasted as long as it did. unfortunately, this nearly intrepid piece of equipment was powering my handsome tall NHT speakers and i'm forced to listen to my wes montgomery and dave brubeck platters over the sad little numark monitors that came with my turntables. this all makes a certain mercury-retrograde, moving-onward kind of sense to me, and i'm looking forward to an upgrade.

i still have no job and am not getting nearly enough exercise. but i sold a painting last night. and i have a new crush object. on monday, i took him to miss c's house to join in the starving artists poker tourney she arranged for her birthday celebration. i lost $15 (i'm a rotten bluffer) but k played like a champ and won $30. what is sexier than a man with poker skills? he plays a mean game of chess, too.

k and i have been socialising quite a bit but so far its been almost deliberately casual. i'm caught in that does-he-like-me-like-me-or-are-we-just-friends? mental tennis game and there is ample evidence to support either outcome. i'm to have dinner with him on friday so perhaps we can come a little closer to some sort of understanding.

it's possible i'm making a complete fool of myself, but i think im too old now to care. in the meantime, i'm letting myself daydream about his long eyelashes brushing against my cheek, running my fingers through that shiny black hair.