2004-01-14 - 11:28 a.m.

now that i've finally moved, i have to face the task of unpacking. there's nothing i want to do less right now than touch everything i own for the second time in two weeks. the trade-off will be i can finally move around freely in my new loft. because right now i've just cleared narrow pathways through the cardboard boxes, leaning paintings, and orphaned furniture.

i'm still pretty discombobulated. things are slowly shifting back to normal. but to be perfectly honest, the fact that i ended a long term relationship and moved in the last 30 days is enough to strain even my traditional easygoing and sunny nature. i've been cheering myself with little presents (a new teakettle here, an expensive moisturizer there) and by spending time with heartfriends. my cat is noticeably happier in the new space, despite the chaos of moving.

but i don't think i'm going to feel 100% right until i can get back to my studio. i haven't even been over there since early december. i can feel the painting part of me hungry and weak. i find it hard to paint when i'm stressed out, i work much better when i feel happy and secure. it doesn't help that the studio gets frighteningly cold in the winter. a pair of space heaters barely makes a dent in the freezing air. i have a whole set of studio sweaters.

i will have to find my way back to that space bit by bit, hand over hand, following the faint glow in the darkness.