2003-11-16 - 6:42 p.m.

i'm depressed and moody tonight, despite a perfectly lovely afternoon brunch. i'm probably premenstrual. for those of you who don't already know, having female reproductive organs is a huge drag. and multiple orgasms does *not* make up for it.

let's review my potential coping strategies, shall we?

1. alcohol was a popular strategy, especially through my late twenties when i had to work at an actual job. alcohol generally numbs the bad feelings enough so that i can ignore them. if my liver didn't already hurt from all the drinking i've already done this week, i'd probably have a beer in my hand already.
2. marijuana was also more popular with me in the past than it is currently. most of the time, it elevates my mood and makes me feel more loving and calm. but other times, dope makes me paranoid and jumpy, which at this time would compound my problems.
3. calling friends on the phone for talkdowns is perhaps my most reliable coping strategy. it makes me feel supported and loved and reminds me that i am not a freak. since i have free long distance and free nights and weekends, its economical, too. but my cellphone is dead because it sucks and i have to wait until it recharges. sometimes technology is more a hindrance than a help.
4. crying to my boyfriend is also pretty effective and economical, but he's presently enjoying a well-deserved nap and i already woke him up once.
5. gorging myself on ice cream used to be a sabotage of my waistline, but i now make my own frozen yogurt and it's fat-free and has no white sugar. i'm going to take some out of the freezer to defrost right now. unfortunately, some of the consolatory power of ice cream is in the fat and the sugar.
6. crocheting and watching movies really chills me out for reasons i don't entirely understand. i read once that repetitive motions are inherently calming to the mind. that would explain the mellow feeling i get when i've been painting for a long time. everything about crocheting seems soothing to me; the tools are simple, the bags of yarn i've collected are pretty, and i love giving away the lopsided hats and wiggly scarfs i produce. tonight, i rented a disk of 'futurama' episodes which will be playing on this laptop as soon as we finish here.
7. typing to strangers on the internet is also oddly effective. i'm feeling at least somewhat better after having typed this list, although i've done less than nothing to address the issues that are irking me. with such a powerful list of coping strategies, i may never have to face the issues!