2003-04-23 - 7:07 p.m.

still gathering information. i got an intense massage today, hoping to swirl and mold and shape all the conflicted emotion into something more manageable. then, after running a long-dreaded errand, i treated myself to a couple of aimless hours at the new coffee shop reading reading reading a pointless novel and nibbling lemon yogurt cake.

i should be hustling. but i'm too emotionally wrung out to do it, to be perfectly honest. i need a recharge.

i actually read a book my therapist recommended to me and it blew me away. this book describes so much of my inner landscape i was dumbfounded. it also made me incredibly sad about my empty suburban childhood. honestly, i cried and cried just reading the slim volume.

i'm home alone tonight. maybe i'll record some music? talk on the phone for hours? bake a cake?