2003-04-21 - 4:43 a.m.

i am constantly tortured about whether or not to close my small business. its an obscene hour of the morning,and while f slumbers gently i am uncomfortable, anguished, and typing.

there is a part of me that believes that typing out the problem will help clarify my thinking on the matter. this is also the part of me that uses tarot cards and coin flips as decision-making tools.

i read something this week about making difficult decisions. to paraphrase, the advice was: gather a lot of information. one cannot get information from thinking about the problem. one must act and experiment to gather information. when enough information is gathered, then a decision will be clear. she goes on to say that pure thinking about the problem is absolutely the wrong way to come to a conclusion. but wait! that's what i do best. those of you faithful readers will know that i am nothing if not skilled at setting my brain on a hamsterwheel of indecision and letting her race.

so maybe i will do some information gathering and experimenting for a set period of time. i will give myself until, say, august. deadlines always make me feel better. indecision and uncertainty make me incredibly uncomfortable.