2003-04-17 - 10:14 a.m.

my project for today is to try to turn down my personal drama dial. my little brain has been working overtime, looking for hidden meanings, hypersensitive to each communication. my heart races like a hamster on a wheel. i ignore my obligations in order to navel-gaze. i need to cut this shit out. not the least because its very exhausting.

when i'm in the midst of drama, i lose track of whether i am creating the drama. i hate drama and i only want it to be over with, but all my strategies for getting it over with only seem to increase the drama. it's like a cyst that i can't stop fussing with, but the more i pick at it the deeper the eventual scar is going to be. i need to put a salve on it, and let it heal. right now.

chatting with friends. playing music. bathing seems to help for some reason. breathing. stretching. draw it back to me.