2003-04-02 - 9:22 a.m.

isn't it amazing how anxiety is almost self-perpetuating? my anxiety can cause those around me to become anxious. their anxiety makes me more anxious. even recognizing that i feel anxious makes me more anxious.

i broke the loop a little bit last night by refuting the pro-iraq-war email my ex-boyfriend sends me from LA. its fun to deconstruct them, get inside the opposing view. i know there are a lot of people in this country who support the current war, but in my acquaintance, its pretty much just h and my parents. its exotic in nyc to get a dialog with someone excited about american imperialism.

my paintings are all about the war now. its so much easier to externalise the conflicts rather than letting them remain internal.